Friday, February 25, 2011
What am I doing wrong?
I am typing with a heavy heart right now. I have a strong desire for role modeling behavior to be 100% around kids. It is our job as adults to form the future generations that we bring into this world and in simple day to day ways, we could either help or seriously harm the future! I go out of my way to act and speak in a way that if young ears were to hear they would pick up kind and loving, subtle, non aggressive cues. It becomes habitual if you are paranoid to the fact that there are always little ears listening when you act and speak. I feel like I have mastered the habit, though will never be 100% perfect, human nature stinks sometimes! It hurts to have those close to my kids not use role model behavior, and on top of that don't seem to have a desire to change it. Suddenly I have no control over it, and even more so it's something my children can easily pick up because it's in my home. My struggle to remain humble and not come off as better than my "neighbors" is really blurring the line between how to be a gentle servant and guiding those that have such strong influence on my kids. It's a really hard line to find and I am feeling like I am failing miserably. Not only jeopardizing my kids, but worse, jeopardizing knowing the difference between my standards and God's standards. There is so much more to learn.