Monday, February 7, 2011

National Marriage Week Feb. 7-14

National Marriage Week begins today. I am using it as a chance to remember why marriage is a part of my life and how to keep it that way; because it's not something to be taken lightly.

I am reading a book called "How to act right, when your spouse acts wrong" below you will find an excerpt that spoke to me, sort of sums up how I feel about marriage at this point!

"Loves actions
Even when we believe our agenda is for the good of our spouse, we must watch our methods. George became enraged whenever his wife, Jennifer, contradicted him, especially in front of their children. In his fury, he forced his wife to stand in front of their three teenage daughters while he scolded her for being a rebellious and unsubmissive wife. He warned his daughters that worse would happen to them if they chose to follow in their mother's footsteps. When confronted by his pastor on these abusive tactics, he said "I am acting in love and for all of their best interests." George was deceived. God's Word never endorses sinful behavior in order to teach anyone a lesson, even if, in our opinion, that lesson is necessary or in his or her best interests. George wasn't nurturing his family's spiritual growth; he was crushing it with his sinful and disrespectful behaviors. Genuine love is always accompanied by loving actions. The apostle John says "Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth" (1 John 3:18). If George wanted to learn to act right when his wife contradicted him, he would need to learn to act right when his wife contradicted him, he would need to look at what her behavior brought out in him (see Chapter 2) before he would be able to lovingly confront her.
     Hillary grew increasingly tired of her husband's selfishness. In her own hurt and anger she informed Tood that she was filing for divorce. Todd broke down. "Why are you doing this to me?" he sobbed. "I love you so much." Todd was inconsolable over Hillary's decision to end their marriage. He couldn't understand why Hillary found it difficult to believe that he really loved her.
     Throughout their 10 year marriage, Todd rarely showed much interest in things that mattered to Hillary. He often worked late, played hard with the guys, and spent money whenever and wherever he wanted, despite Hillary's pleas to purchase a home, spend time as a family, or allow her to complete college. Todd couldn't be bothered with Hillary's needs. He was too busy living as a single person with the perks of married life. Now his world was coming apart at the seams, and he was crumbling.
     Do not be misled by calling powerful emotions real love. Todd's feelings for Hillary, although I'm sure they were genuine, were not love. Love is active, not passive. His actions were not loving, not were they directed toward Hillary's best interests or spiritual growth. Todd's entire lifestyle actually demonstrated the opposite of love. For the most part they were selfish and self centered. Todd's strong feelings for Hillary were set into motion when he feared losing her. We might better define these emotions as feelings of dependency, not genuine love. That is why it is so important that we not rely on certain feelings to define what love is."

there is more to this excerpt but I think I have shared enough for the book to speak to you, if it is going to.

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