I am fascinated by the countless ways God speaks to me throughout each day. It's like a thought or feeling crosses through me, I don't give it much thought until later suddenly something that is completely relevant to the previous thought or feeling has a purpose.
Lately, I am not sure why, I have been feeling sort of down on myself for how I feel I am measuring up as "mom". It's disheartening because I've always wanted to be a mom, I was born to be a mom, but sometimes I just feel sort of like a "lazy" mom. I spend more time on the computer than I probably should, I don't *always* jump at the chance to get on the floor and play pretend with the kids when they ask, I don't feel like we have enough traditions around this house, because for many years I was sort of "anti tradition" and now that it's come to my attention through my own revelations, I've been more aware of how I am mothering and overall, I always feel like I could improve. The truth is I think it's good for my kids to have "independent" time in their day, and I also like the "break" when I sit down and just "veg" for a few moments.
I believe it's fairly normal to feel like you fall short in a few places in your life, but to dwell on the downfalls instead of the good is where I have a bit of an issue. God reminds me ever so gently that I am the mom he meant for me to be. My kid's have the mom he chose for them and that needs to be good enough. The last few weeks I've been finding myself drawn to a few blogs that are doing a sort of "boost the mom ego" posts. I was reading through one tonight and the light bulb moment occurred. God is sending a message to me. I am a GOOD MOM. I need to see my efforts and the love I have for my children as a blessing to them and I must say I am truly thankful for God's ever present reminders to just "BE". Be in the moment, be who I am. Be the woman he has called me to be. Just BE :)
Hello! I had stumbled across your blog and this post definitely moved me as I am going through the same exact thing. I have been feeling like this for a while now and it is so hard to put into words. And sometimes when I talk about my feelings to others, especially those who are also mothers, they seem to look at me funny as if they don't understand or that they never felt like that before. I just had my third baby girl and four weeks after she arrived, I started nursing school. I'm talking the real deal with nursing school! All the pre-reqs were done for years and I got that glorious acceptance letter for the actual nursing program when I was around 8 months pregnant. Talk about a tough decision to make! I obviously said yes but oh my goodness, this is the hardest thing I ever had to do. And lately, I feel so inadequate as a mommy and a nursing student. I don't feel like I'm succeeding in anyway. I too can get lost on the computer during my "me time" or don't jump up right away when they want me to play barbies or read to them. It is so hard for me and I don't like feeling this way. I too always wanted to be a mommy and thought I would be wonderful at it since I was a former nursery school teacher. Anyway, it is good to know that I am not alone with my thoughts and feelings. Thanks for listening!
ReplyDeleteI too am pursuing nursing. I am on the slow track, I have taken one class per semester to get my gen eds out of the way. I started back in 2008 when my son was born, and will be ready next year to FINALLY apply to the program, school is tough stuff, especially as a mom and for you to jump in feet first tells me you are amazingly obediant to your calling as a nurse!!!! Hang in there, and something I remember is kids need love, but they don't need you at their beck and call. Make time for a few special moments each day; and then lighten up on yourself! Realize you have a lot on your plate and we aren't made with superpowers :)
DeleteThanks for stopping by and your wonderful story! I appreciate your words!