The Diaper Bag

Today I was putting something in the back of my car and I spotted it. The diaper bag. I haven't used it in likely well over a year, I've noted it sitting there before, many times considering for a split second removing it from the car, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. Today was the day. I mustered the strength to take it out. The physical act was not difficult. It was the emotion that came with it. I looked through it, found little rattle books that I kept in there, diapers, a nunu (pacifier), two taggie blankets that I had made for Miles. Perhaps the most heart puddling was the teeny, tiny but no doubt cool dude shades I came across. I remember putting them on Miles and he looked so cute! These glasses were tiny. My baby was tiny (well not really, he was born almost 9 pounds!!) now he's growing. He's growing so fast. I also found a little firetruck in there, Miles was THRILLED by my discovery, he wanted to sleep with it tonight. It *almost* made the task of removing the diaper bag from the car a little sweeter. I emptied it out, saved the glasses and the truck. The rest went into recycling. The bag is still in the garage, I guess I am making baby steps towards the house :)

I am not used to this feeling of being content with 2 children. If this continues, I very well may be done with having babies in my house and though part of me is fully ready for that, there is a part that yearns for more babies, I always planned to have 3 children. Another one could possibly be in our future, but for now, we are indeed content with two, until times like this, when I have a reminder of what it's like to have a baby in the house. The anticipation of a new birth, the stay in the hospital as you bond with your newest bundle, the nursing, the excitement from loved ones, watching your child become a "big brother/sister", all of it, it's all just so sweet.

Miles said something recently along the lines of "when I am a brother" I started to explain to him that he IS a "brother", then I realized, he was referring to the day that he is the BIG brother. Not just the LITTLE brother. He was dreaming of the day another baby comes into the family even though he truly has no idea what that really means. It was so innocent and made me think of how great he would be as a big brother. Just like how Acilia is great as a big sister. She was 4 years old when we got pregnant with Miles. Miles is 4 now and I can't help but reminisce the joys. Memories. Maybe that's all they will ever be. Maybe we will have another baby someday, I'm saving the diaper bag just in case!