First off, I should start by saying I am in a new course this semester, it's called Sociology: Marriage, relationships and sex. I'm married, I have many relationships in my life and well, since I am married, I do have sex too! *wink* I was excited about this class, but we are in the third week now, and I have been disappointed so far. Until today. We are reading a book along with the text book, so the course goes, Tuesday Lecture, Thursday Book discussion. The book is called "Is Marriage for White People" it has a lot of statistics in it, which I tend to find hard to follow, thankfully the book discussion that we have in class opens up more perspective that I would not get from just the book. Today I am suffering from a cold/laryngitis, I had made up my mind I would not even attempt to speak during the discussion because it would be distracting to my points to try to project my voice that would fail me. So I stayed quiet. This was incredibly hard for me!! I am active in discussions and I had a lot to say, but I couldn't! So, the first revelation I had was how I need to be mindful not to take things for granted! You can't speak without a voice and I would not have noticed the depth of that statement without my experience in class today.
Second revelation, my husband and I have struggled to find peace with each other during the course of our 8 year marriage. There are many facets that I believe that don't jive well and I found out today, I am not alone. Perhaps it has to do with the tradition of marriage today vs. a few decades ago. Our instructor eloquently lectured it out, but the jist is, the roles of husband and wife are blurred, now that women are in the work world and also asking husbands to share responsibilities at home. Back in the day, there was no question, husband worked, wife trusted him to provide the family's shelter and food, and wife stayed home and tended to the kids and household duties. Furthermore, back in the day, if hubby was crabby, wife kept quiet. I am not in every marital home, but I know for me, it was like a lightbulb went off!! Wives speak up now, stress is equally shared and there is a lot more tension in the home. Divorce rates are up, I believe because people think the relationship is flawed so they move on to find a new one that "fits" better. I am thankful to God who has gently urged me to stay, the many times I have wanted to walk away. I've learned a lot over the last few years, and though I would still consider my marriage troubled more often than I would consider it stable, things *have* changed and that leaves me hopeful. Another lightbulb/revelation came from the mouth of my instructor as well, she stated "If you find a good guy, do not let him go" this resonated so deeply with me because all these years I've said what a good guy my husband is. He really is, he's loyal and logical and helps others, he works so very hard to provide for his family, I could go on and on! The point is he's a good guy. Yes, we have a hard time getting along most times, I believe it's because we are so very different, but he's a good guy and for that, I am thankful!
So, we get it, class was enlightening today. I am thrilled about that! Then in the car, on the way home I heard a new song. It reduced me to the ugly cry. There was a line in it
"Hear the sound of my little boy saying
Daddy can you please come play with me?
But I was too busy.
Then one day, my baby grew up and went to war.
I never thought he'd be gone in the blink of an eye."
Lord, have mercy! I get the message, loud and clear! Life is fleeting, I've thought it before, I've said it before, truly though it is! My little guy is turning FIVE next month, both of my kids are going through school milestones next year and the anticipation has been hard on this mom's heart. It doesn't help that I was reminded through "memory lane" strolling through pictures the other night. I was looking at pictures from when Acilia was little. It's all a memory now. As will this phase in life too. God is urging me to savor it, so I will!
|approximately 13 months?|