Undecided

There are so many things in my life that are undecided. Well, I should correct myself, God has decided, maybe I should say there are things in my life that are undiscovered by *me* :)

It feels so silly at times to make plans for the future, they always seem to change, whether it's my mind that changes, or circumstances.

I have two children. I have ALWAYS wanted three children. I grew up with one brother, and even though he's a great brother, always has been...I always wanted to be a big sister and I wanted my kids to have a lot of aunts and uncles like I had. Here I am, with two kids, in my early 30's and I feel content with my two kids. A number three is a slight possibility in the future, but the more time that passes, the more content I feel with the two I have. That is until my period was late this month (disclaimer, I am NOT pregnant). It amazes me what kind of fantasies you have for a possible pregnancy if your period is a no show when it's supposed to show. My cycle is pretty regular, so usually every month I can count on a 26 day cycle. Pretty much like clock work. Every once in a while, there is a little kink in the operation and we are looking at what happened this month. Yes, it came 1 day late, but for my body that is like 3 days late. There was a pregnancy test involved, along with calculating when this potential baby would have been born, dreams of nursing another little one, snuggling another oh so good smelling newborn, the times when he/she would have learned new things and reached all of those babyhood milestones....I allowed my mind to wander, and even though I was truly content with the two I have, I was disappointed when my period did show up, which I knew it would. That "preggo instinct" didn't kick in, so I knew I wasn't pregnant.

I am left shaking my head and allowing my brain to wrap itself around the fact that you can *plan* for your life, but it probably won't go as *planned*. I am a planner, dreamer, preparer, I thrive off of creating possibilities for the near and far future and I am usually ok with the fact that things don't go as planned, because by the time it comes to the point where something *should* have happened according to plan, I am already onto dreaming and planning for the next thing! My brain is overworked and underpaid :)