Last night my husband spoke to me from his heart. His delivery of the message left me feeling hurt and unworthy, but this morning, I have a different perspective. We have not had much time at all together for the past few weeks, it's the "busy season" at work and with that comes demanding hours and a tired husband. I am left to keep the pieces of our family puzzle together and always reminded that I have a husband that has thoughts and wishes for this family too; he's just not here to voice his concerns. This puts me in a sort of mind reader position and I will admit here that I usually fail miserably in trying to do as my husband pleases, instead of what my natural instincts are. That is a huge battle in my heart. When Al came to me last night bitter and resenting the fact that he is feeling complete and utter disrespect from me, my heart dropped. I keep trying to please this man; yet he still feels I am going against his wishes regularly. It was hard not to get defensive, and I am pretty convinced my lack of compassion for his words came off as I didn't care. I was hurt and I didn't know what to say. If one thing I have learned over our time in this marriage is that words do hurt. I often times am left not knowing what to say, because I don't want to hurt the situation more than it already is. I've been accused many times of ignoring what my husband is saying just because I don't know what to say. I'm working on that.
I have a book called "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs; it's been collecting dust next to my bed. I have a tendency to dig into my library of self help books as the need arises. The need arose this morning; the book is here next to me and I am reading with delight. I am always so pleased in how God responds to my needs with Earthly tools. I am here today with an engergized spirit of thankfulness that my husband came to me last night with his concerns. His method could use a little tweaking; yet his message this time was completely clear and it took time to sort through my hurt to realize how blessed I am to have a husband that so clearly cried out to me what his needs are and furthermore that it's a common enough need that there are books out there specifically for this desire of a man's. I feel God with me on this path to become a new and better wife.