His perfect love

It's Sunday and I sit here pondering the love that God has for me. He loves me so much that he is never mad at me or disappointed in me. He wants the best for me and treats me with grace. No judgement, no punishment, he loves me. He made me who I am, his plan for me has yet to unfold but he guides me and he makes me feel safe and loved always. Seeking that from a human, I just don't think it's possible. That kind of perfect love. God knows my every move, he designed my every move. He is not surprised at my actions, he has special plans for each of my actions. He is all I need to survive, I want deep in my heart to hear his requests for my life and for him to show me the path to what's in store.

Appreciating my kids

The last 24 hours have brought forth some sweet moments for me :)
Acilia stayed at her best friend Maddie's house last night. It left Miles and I to have some one on one time. Something that has been rare since summer began. Miles was a little bummed that we couldn't stay at Maddie's house too. He has a little friend Nate there and he wanted to play with Nate. I asked Miles if he would like to go to the mall to ride the "Choo choo" there. Of course he agreed; he's 2 and he loves trains. We got to the mall, the train wasn't running, he adjusted to the idea of not getting a ride very well. He impresses me! We went into the candy store and he picked some chocolate covered raisins. We then walked around he played in a treehouse play area and of course got a kick out of going up and down the escalators :) It was a fun night. I sat and watched Miles and just adored him. He plays so cute. This morning Miles was in bed with us bright and early. Playing and jumping on us like usual. Acilia later came home and Miles and her were so sweet together. I adore the little conversations I overhear between them. Miles missed his big sister. He gave her a big hug when he saw her. So sweet! Tonight when it was bedtime, we all piled on my bed and the kids were playing with a new toy Miles got last night. Then Miles climbed on the bed and sat next to me while saying "I sit next to my mommy" he wiggled his way between me and the toy and wiggled his chunky little feet with content. Precious.
Miles went to bed, Acilia wanted to cuddle with me. She's 7, I wonder when the day will come that she will be too "cool" to cuddle. I hope never. She went to bed, asked if she could read. I went into her room to tuck her in and she was sleeping so peacefully. Face by her books, Christmas books. She was reading Christmas books in August :) So cute!

My heart aches

I knew back when God was pushing us to find a new school for Acilia to attend that we should follow His wishes. I am so glad we did. Turns out St. John Wheaton; is closing the doors to grades 1-8. Acilia would have been without a school a mere two weeks before school was to start and I would have been freaking out, trying to figure out what to do next!
My heart aches for the teachers who are losing their jobs, the students that were promised a good education in a loving environment and most of all I ache for the legacy in which St. John had worked 55 years to build. I will never forget the days we spent at St. John. I adored that school. Acilia did well at that school. From the moment we stepped foot in the doors when we went to tour before Acilia began Kindergarten I felt it was a home we could get used to and a family we could love. St. John was more than "just a school" there was true support and kindness and Jesus love every where you turned. The halls were comfort, the classrooms were comfort, the teachers were comfort. It's just a shame. I am not going to question the paths God bestows upon us, He truly is the only one that knows what's in store for the future.

New Counselor

I am going to meet a new counselor tomorrow. I have so many things in my mind that I need to work through and I feel like I have no one to talk to about it that can give me the objective point of view that I am so desperately seeking! I felt bad tonight, I was discussing with hubby how I will be seeing a new counselor tomorrow and he asked why I couldn't just talk to him about things. I told him I often feel judged by him for the way I feel, the way I think, the way I act. I am really hoping tomorrow marks the beginning of some serenity in my mind. It's what I desire so deeply so I can thoroughly enjoy the life I have been blessed with!

Zoloft and it's "post" life

I have been on Zoloft for about 6-7 years. I began taking it to tame anxiety and after all that time on it, I did a lot of soul searching and healing and finally a few months ago, I felt I was ready emotionally, spriritually and physically to wean off. Most of the side effects have subsided, the nausea, the dizzies, and the other odd things that occur when you stop taking something your body is used to.
I'm feeling depressed lately and to admit here (publicly) that I have a sneaking suspicion that it's related to weaning off Zoloft is rather disheartening. I would like to think it's just life circumstances and that it's a coincidence that this depressed feeling is a new "symptom" of my life. I guess all I can do right now is pay attention to the way I feel and assess at a later time. I have such a hard time just relaxing and not adding notions to what's going on! It's brain torture!

Sanctus Real makes me Cry

There is a song that's been coming on the radio by Sanctus Real called "Lead Me". It's a song that I always start out singing, but then can't finish because I am crying. There always seems to be a "theme song" that I can hear on the radio and feel as though it was written about me. This song does that for me right now. Too bad it's in a depressing way. The song itself is so awesome!! It's about a family looking up to the father of the house asking him to care for them and "Lead them" then towards the end, the song turns to the father of the house asking our Heavenly Father to lead him so he can do those things for his family.
The chorus is what gets me the most...it's exactly how I feel most of the time! :(
"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

SO excited

I am THRILLED, ECSTATIC, GIDDY with excitement with the news that my childhood/lifelong friend Nena is pregnant with her first child!!
I grew up with a few close friends, I was the first of my "group" to have children. Needless to say, I've been waiting patiently for one of them to announce they are joining the "parenting club"!! I am so happy for her and her husband John, they have been married for 2 years, they will make fabulous parents and I am so very happy for them! God Bless!



Me and my closest friends in a picture from long ago as high school seniors :) (10 years ago!) Me, Nena and Brooke, we were the best of friends in high school and we continue to adore one another and root for one another as we go through life! :)