Monday, February 13, 2012

The voice of hope

Disclaimer: When I get these little inspirations to write about serious topics it's not because I want to condemn or judge anyone, it's to be the voice of hope that *someone* could need.

I am reading a book called "Unplanned" by Abby Johnson. This book is a must read in my opinion.

The topic of abortion is such a heart sensitive topic. I remember going on chat boards as a youngen fighting tooth and nail, that's where it ended though. My passion hasn't changed, my opinion hasn't changed, but what has changed is my COMPASSION. As a younger version of myself, I used to think I could never ever associate with anyone that had had an abortion. Little did I know I would know people, that I would form friendships with these people and then find out that they had had one. Little did I know I can't turn my back on a friend who has opened their heart to me to share something so private. Little did I know that the decision to face an abortion was going to be in my hands one day. That decision came with my first pregnancy. It was unplanned and it took me by complete and utter shock. I *knew* I was being irresponsible about protecting against pregnancy, and I *knew* pregnancy was a possibility, one that I always thought I would be totally fine with! Until it happened. My world crashed and in my depths of despair, I had that choice. The choice to either allow the life inside of me to continue, or to "take care of it" in the way that so often is the path that's chosen. I even called a local clinic to obtain information. Then something inside of me burned, I knew deep down I could never go through with an abortion. It wasn't part of my make up and I knew I couldn't live with that forever. But the situation I was facing was still there. My whole life felt out of control because I was pregnant and I felt desperate. My consistent argument was adoption was the best option for an unplanned pregnancy. It was time for me to live through that statement. It was clear to me that abortion was not the route, but I could see myself giving a baby up for adoption. I could be that person in a yearning couple's life that could give them the gift that they had been hoping, waiting and praying for. I like to be that person, the one to help others, and adoption seemed like it would help ME too. Help me get out of this predicament that I had gotten myself into. I contacted our local adoption agency, I had a meeting with someone from their agency at a local library. It was surreal to me to be talking about my options as a mother, in a private room in such a public place, but I went with it. I can't recall my exact feelings after that meeting, but I do recall the choice I made. I made the choice to keep my baby. Once that choice was real, I stepped into mom mode and worked my way through my pregnancy, preparing to be a mom and accepting the fact that this was what I wanted all along, it was just such a scary, uncertain time that it took me a while to grasp reality happening as it was. That pregnancy resulted in the birth of my little girl Acilia. She is almost 9 years old, she is my little clone and I can not even for one second imagine my life without her. This post wasn't intended to be a "personal story" but that's the way the wind blows sometimes, and this is what you get. My thoughts on abortion have always been that it's avoidable. I don't get into the "laws" of whether it *should* be legal or not, I get into the heart. If there is a situation where you feel the only way out is abortion, I just beg and plea that you consider the "after". Abortion is not an easy answer, I read stories all of the time about women that have them and then are not prepared for the physical or emotional distress that comes afterwards. The empowerment comes in the CHOICE. You aren't less of a woman for choosing NOT to abort. You saw life as something worth allowing to happen. If you are reading this, and you have had an abortion, my prayer is that you have found peace. Peace deep within. Peace to accept that you made a choice that can't be changed. Life moves forward, your past is the past. I pray that because of that choice, you have learned something valuable as a result. Life is about experience and learning and growing.

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