Monday, April 19, 2010

Only in my dreams

As a child I dared to dream about the future to get me through my days! I absolutely could not wait to grow up and be an adult. I spent large portions of my day thinking about what I would do as an adult. Somewhere along the line I stopped dreaming and starting living and I am finding slowly that I am fulfilling the dreams I had as an adolescent!

I used to plan my wedding. Details such as flowers, dress, cakes, etc would be torn from bridal magazines and I would write stories about the details of the day. Things including the age I would be by the time I got married. I believe 2004 the actual year of my wedding, was on target within a few years of what I had envisioned! I never could have dreamed I would have my daughter as my flower girl, but I certainly wanted to be a mom very young, as soon as possible! I idolized women that were pregnant around me and had vivid dreams where I was in labor or walking down the aisle. When I saw the groom, his face was blurred, but all of the other details were completely clear!

I remember spending countless hours sitting at the desk in my room, drawing up floor plans for the house I would have built someday for myself and my family to live in. I loved it! I dreamt about the day I would live in the house I designed, but never "dreamt" it would become real. If that makes sense.

Al and I have spent years talking about our dream house. I have visited open houses for years, and scoured the Internet for homes on the market and truth is, nothing knocks our socks off! We have strict standards for the next house we purchase because we want to plant our roots and stay there for years to come. For some reason the other day the words that left Al's mouth clicked, even though they weren't the first time I'd heard them! He stated he would love to build our dream home! This idea both thrills me and terrifies me! We spent 14 months renovating our current house and it about tore us apart!! He is a man that does it all himself. He's electrical genius/plumber/sander/painter/vaulted ceiling installer/floor repairer/spackler/tile layer/you name it, he can do it! One thing he's not great at is multitasking. Bless his heart!! That's why he has me :) I can multitask like the best of them! The 14 months we spent renovating this home took him away from me and Acilia 7 days a week from sun up to long after sun down. He was carrying a full time job at the time and then going to the house and putting in long hours doing all the work on his own. We have a great house to show for it, but we lived at my parents house at the time. Renovation or anything of the sort, I swore would never enter our lives again! Granted building a home is not renovating, but I fear the similarities!

At this point, I feel as though our lives are on the verge of a whirlwind! I have pictured for years moving closer to my parents house and sending Acilia to the local public school, now it seems as though that path is unclear and we are exploring other options. Dreams can happen, but only if you submit yourself to what comes along the way. It's scary! It's scary! It's SCARY!! I thank God that Al and I are at a place in our relationship where we can discuss our future in a way that is both thrilling and logical and I know deep down he has his family's best interest at heart. He wants the world for me and the kids, and I feel safe that he knows how to get it. The only way to find out what's in store is to walk that path. Did I mention that's scary?

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