I spend a lot of time feeling heartfully separated from my husband. We are worlds apart most of the time and I wonder if there is a way we can make it so we are just "towns apart" I would settle for that. I ask him to come with me and the kids; 96% of the time he won't come. He has other things to do. When we are graced with his presence, it's tense; not every single time, but more often than not. We parent differently, I work so hard not to step on his words as he says them, even when I don't agree with them. He still feels I don't try at all and that he and his feelings are overlooked.
I have a few days here and there where I am hopeful that there is something worth saving in this marriage. I mostly hold onto the fact that we have a family together and that God did not intend divorce. I pray a LOT about this, too much if you ask me, my brain never stops. When I do settle down a bit and let my guard slip away, something immediately happens and the guard is put back up. I just want a companion. Someone that can hang with me and have fun with me, agree with one another on what to do. Just want it easier. It doesn't have to be perfect, but all of this difficult just gets me down. Is it too much to ask for a companion? I thought that's what a marriage was about. Two people, coming together as one. To lift one another up and love inspite of the flaws. To enjoy time together and not have it be tense.
I just want a companion.