One week from today...

Acilia and I are packin' our bags and headed "out west" (Or ummm north michigan) to spend 8 blissful days just the two of us, with horses, lots and lots of horses!! I picked up journals last night for each of us to pen the details so we can look back and remember this awesome trip! Acilia is a writer like me. I look forward to opening our journals each night and marking the happenings each day we are gone. I am thankful for technology because without it, I wouldn't have the hope of Skyping with my hubs and my little boy who we will miss dearly!! Each mess I clean though; I think to myself how nice it will be to not have to clean messes while we are away, and then I get a thought of sheer horror thinking about what this house will look like when we return. Leaving the boys behind; neither of which are very good at cleaning, I may have to call an S.O.S! Either way, Acilia and I are counting down the days; the the time we will get to spend together; it will be so special. I can just feel it!

I can't believe it's really happening! My big girl will be 8 years old the day before we leave and this Dude Ranch trip is something we have been talking about since she was 4 years old! I've been promising her a mommy/daughter trip when she turns 8. She's 8 you guys! Where does the time GO!??!

I love my mom

Acilia and I are leaving for an 8 day trip to a dude ranch soon. My mom keeps telling Acilia she should do a countdown calendar. We haven't gotten around to it, so my mom took it upon herself to spend some time this afternoon crafting an ADORABLE little countdown calendar for Acilia to use until we leave on the 21st. Looking at the love she put into this; it just reminds me why I feel so very blessed to have the parents that I do!

She even found ROPE to use as the "hanger"

The little caption says "The wind of Heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears"

She even added Acilia's birthday to it; 8 candles and all!

You capture! - Flowers

Flowers

My neighbor's allium. I adore these round purple balls! 

Why do I blog?

*Disclaimer, I started writing this on Sunday*
I have been asking myself this question lately. Not because I don't know the answer, but because I want to explain it to you; in a way that adequately describes my thoughts. Today I was enlightened. In church I was listening to the sermon and the light bulb moment occurred. Boy do I love those moments!! I blog to inspire. Yes indeed, I do. You have no idea how happy it makes me to read comments about how my words have touched others, or better yet, how my words have inspired others to *change* God guides all I do. Truly!! I have been embracing my relationship with God and making things less about *me* and more about *others*. Difficult task, especially when it comes to my closest "neighbors" (read: Husband!! Ha!) BUT I also believe I am a work in progress and my life is a journey to be shared.

I took specific notes during the sermon, I would like to share them with you to go with today's theme of "inspiring others" the sermon in church inspired me :)

It was pulled from Acts 1:1-11

"What we need to know about getting into Heaven"

1. You are a sinner!
2. God is Holy- he must punish sin- but doesn't want to lose you.
3. Jesus is the solution.
4. Believe it! Receive it!
5. Real faith bears fruit.
6. You are not alone!

"Just be a witness"
"Simply tell other's what has happened to you"

Yup! That last statement was what cued the light bulb. It's so simple. Share friends, share what happens, share the good news!! I so enjoy typing out my journey and having others read along with me, is just icing on the cake! (Ooh, who wants cake now? I do I do!!)

I also have to share that Acilia and I had a conversation about church that went somewhat like this:
 I was explaining to Acilia that she's getting to the age where she should be walking into church and taking more away from it than just sitting there taking up space and doing her own thing (reading, drawing, etc.) she replied (not proud here, but she was being truthful) "Why do I need to listen in church?? I already know all about Jesus?" I replied that I know Jesus too, but I am working on a relationship with him. I want to *know* him more deeply than knowledge of him can offer. I then went on to point out a few times that she has felt Jesus with her, and how that will keep happening if she keeps pursuing him. The point in the sermon where the Pastor stated "real faith bears fruit" solidified what I was saying to her, so I perked up in church and nudged her to listen so she could soak in the message. Sometimes kids listen when it's not their parents telling them; but others reinforcing what mom and dad have taught!

My kids are growing :)

I know it happens, and usually I am ok with it. Afterall, it's NATURAL for your kids to grow. It never hits me until I see a progression of pictures. That's when I choke up a bit and realize how quickly life really goes. The last time I had the kids pictures taken professionally, Miles was 18 months. He is 3.5 now and obviously things have changed for both of them. I took the kids today to get new pictures. My grandma wants one of both kids to put on her picture wall. Glad she requested that because it gave me a little push to get in and get updated pictures. Here are my faves from the day.



I adore this pose! Too sweet




Holy cow they are grown up!




Miles looks like such a little charmer in this pic :)





I love how Acilia is sort of looking off to the side



I am so impressed with how well they did!! We were in and out within a half an hour! The kids were cooperative in a way that made this mom proud! It was quite a relief because they usually team up against me when we are out in public and I usually walk out of photo shoots in a sweat!! HA!

Perfection

My husband is a perfectionist. That is a really hard thing to live up to. As his wife, who is admittedly NOT perfect, it's exhausting to try to keep up with the needs to fulfill my husband. Tonight it was the lights. My husband doesn't like paying for lights on in a room that no one is occupying. I completely understand and respect this, but I fault and lights get left on all. the. time. He goes around in a huff and a puff nagging as he turns off the lights and just expresses how he doesn't understand why it's so hard. Lights on in the big picture is a very small thing, but there are many many MANY intricacies that drive my husband up the wall and he seems to like to concentrate on those things, instead of looking for the good. As his wife, I do *strive* to improve in all ways, but at the end of the day, I wonder who I am true to? I am not perfect, I will never be perfect, and my hope that trying to improve is good enough is just falling short. When I think I have gotten better at something, he will find the one time I mess up and notice it. My best analogy is that I am on a treadmill at full speed sweating to keep up! Never catching up and always feeling less than good enough. How do you live with not being "good enough" for your spouse? He never seems happy with me. He seems as though I make his life so much more difficult. Is it him? I want it to be just "his" problem. I want to believe I can be happy with who I am, but when the ones closest to you pick and pick and pick at your wounds, it's hard to scab over and heal. It's lonely in this place.

"Failure: When your best isn't good enough"

Life's new path

Well, I had surgery on my foot a week ago today. I got a call from the doctor yesterday about the biopsy. It's never good when you hear from the doctor; but for some reason this call was unexpected and I don't think anything really registered as he told me. It was found that what I had was a "rheumatoid nodule". I didn't know I had rheumatoid arthritis, and it's not officially diagnosed until I see a doctor and have some blood work but the nodules almost exclusively mean you have RA. I took the news and hung up the phone. My mind started going, but I was minutes away from a playdate with a friend and her boys, so I made the conscious decision to put it aside in my mind. I began to research when I had the chance and am working on nailing down a doctor appointment (I haven't had a primary care physician because I am a healthy lady!! But was on the path to finding one due to some back pain I've been having) as the day went on, pieces of recent years were puzzling themselves together  (severe neck pain/stiffness, random days of pain in wrist, knee, ankles, exhaustion) and I was really just trying not to go nuts about this whole thing. Nothing is 100% aside from the fact that what was removed is infact a rheumatoid nodule and if I say that any more; I may just enter an out of body experience. :)

The reading I have done on rheumatoid arthritis makes the prognosis sound manageable and to be honest, there are definitely people in the world that have way worse problems, AND I am incredibly thankful for my high pain tolerance. I am under the impression that if it IS RA, I have had it for quite sometime; rheumatoid nodules generally appear in advanced cases of RA and I've been having symptoms for many years.

I worked hard yesterday to focus on NOT developing symptoms because of what I was told :) I remember clearly the day I took a pregnancy test with my daughter (first born) the test turned positive and I IMMEDIATELY felt like morning sickness kicked in! Ha! I know for a fact if I hadn't taken a test at that very moment, I would not have been experiencing any symptoms, but pulling something to your consciousness suddenly makes me ultra sensitive to "clues" :)

My prayers are that I always remember God is good and I know he has a plan for me; this is part of the plan, nothing is a surprise to the almighty Heavenly Father!