Snowy Winter Day

I sit here today, with the urge to update, I've been wanting to update for a few days now, but my motivation is severely lacking. Not just with writing here, but with everything. I am struggling. I am a person that suffers from anxiety and a phobia and up until last spring, I was taking a daily med to keep my chemicals balanced. I weaned off my meds last spring, was feeling great. Until winter crept up on me and the stomach flu started going around. That's my phobia, the stomach flu and hearing about it all the time, has caused my anxiety to peak the last few weeks. I was trying to fight it alone. I was losing the fight. I decided it's not worth it to stay off the meds and feel anxious all the time! I started taking my meds again about 2 weeks ago. I've been struggling the last few weeks, waiting for my meds to kick in. I know they take three weeks, but it's just so much stress on my body to wait. I wake up every morning with a fresh dose of anxiety. I can't eat. I am literally forcing food down my throat because absolutely nothing appeals to me. I've lost weight. It's ironic because when I wanted to get off my meds back in spring, my motivation was because I had 20 pounds lingering from when Miles was born. I felt so good on my meds that I was "happily eating" all the time, instead of working weight off. Now, I have my way, I've lost my weight; but the cost has been agonizing.

So that's where I'm at. Each day is a struggle. I am counting down until the meds kick in, hoping it will only be one more week so I can get out of my own head and start thinking of others this Christmas season.