Bubbling over!

Today is met with a new zest for life! I spent the morning outside with my good friend Liza. I had a bit of time to wait before she arrived and I took that time to pray and show thanks for this truly beautiful Fall day. The sky is blue, the breeze is crisp with a touch of warmth, the colors are more vibrant by the hour. It's just a gift from above kind of day. I adore nature. It's so therapeutic to me to be outside walking. I could walk all day and to have a friend with me while walking; to talk to is just the picture of perfection! I am feeling thankful again. I am feeling hopeful again. I am feeling cheerful again.

Seeking and hurting

I am going through the motions each day. It's been a rough few weeks. And so much more. I am finding it harder to wake up each morning, and finding less satisfaction in each piece of food that enters my mouth. I seek food; yet nothing appeals to me. I am seeking a smile; yet the smile is unfulfilling. I am seeking answers; getting more questions. I have said so many times before my brain can not handle anymore than it's already handling, and then it takes on more. I am throwing my hands up. God show me the way. I am seeking you in prayer, I know you are there, I know you feel my hurt and my questions and I know each precious gift you give will be revealed as you see it to be time. I am struggling to accept that deep down. It's the human trait of needing my requests fulfilled NOW. And I am shamelessly impatient. Lead me, Guide me, Help me.

Lazy!

We went to Mexico, got back Monday night. It was an amazing trip! We stayed at a beautiful resort in Puerto Vallarta and witnessed my cousin getting married on the beach! I took sooooooooo many pictures (over 300) I will definitely share some of them soon but I must admit I've been LAZY! I can't muster energy lately! It's mostly the last few days since we got back, I've been depressed that the trip is over. It's funny because last week; anticipating the trip I actually thought about backing out of the whole thing a few times. I was nervous (AND excited, but nerves would creep in once in a while) and now, it's over, I want to go back!! I want to go back! ! I want to go back! ! ! ! ! ! ! For now, just lazy though...hopefully it will pass soon!

You Capture- FLOWERS!

How fun!! We went to Mexico last week, returned Monday night and I just so happen to have caught a few pics of the beautiful flowers in Puerto Vallarta!!





Yes, I know this last picture is not technically a flower, it's a palm tree, but it's close enough where I felt like I could sneak it in, just on fact that it's a cool pic ;)

9/11

A day that I am certain that most everyone in this country can recall exactly where they were; at exactly the time that the first plane struck the first tower. It's a somber day. I reflect on two things today. One of them being how special to me it is to have an anniversary to commemorate America, the unity that does peek in every now and again and most of all support our troops. The families that have close relatives in combat as I type this, most likely *never* forget. Each day, each hour, each minute they are reminded of their loved one who they hope and pray they see again someday. The rest of us? We go about our days. It's natural really, if you aren't directly impacted by something; it most likely doesn't affect your daily living. Today though, every American stops to think about the impact of that day. We all reflect. In our own way. 9/11 is a horrible, tragic piece of history. It will always force us "Never to Forget".

Another point I am reflecting upon today is the controversy surrounding a Pastor. I can't believe that "Controversy" and "Christian Pastor" are even in the same context, but the truth is; they are. Said Pastor had planned to burn the Muslim Bible as a form of protest. This perturbs me beyond what I can comprehend. It is my belief that Christians love one another; because we have been saved by the Grace of God through Jesus Christ. Love one another. Beyond my wildest dreams, burning one whole Religion's Sacred Book does not show love to me. It just doesn't. I can't even really see where he was coming from. A regular everyday American, it wouldn't surprise me. There are radical acts in all of us from one time to another. But it really lets me down that a Pastor would take this step. Pastor's make mistakes too; but there is a certain understanding that when you take a position that sets you apart from others, you will take it seriously and be a model of strength and morals in your position. Sort of like when you become a parent. You just want to do better because your children are watching at all times. I am not too out spoken about things I don't feel I have "done my homework" on but this one just rubs me the wrong way and I know that he has gone back on his word and has stated he will not be burning the Quaran. But is that enough? Is the damage now already done? It saddened me that the time has come that we must fear protests on a day that is meant to be a united day. A day of peace and reflection and love and memory and prayer and kindness.

My purpose

I had a pretty cool revelation the other day. I was listening to Max Lucado speaking on KLOVE and it hit me. My purpose is to advocate life. It felt so neat to sit and reflect on what that meant exactly. Some things in this post may come off as "braggy" and that is not at all my intention. I am just sort of taking "tabs" of what I've done that God has so clearly guided me on that I didn't even realize at the time.

Let's start with my stance on Abortion. I have always under all circumstances felt that choosing life for the unborn child is a must. I know there are situations where it would be "best" to terminate. However, God will judge that criteria. It's not up to us. I was tested on that theory when I got pregnant for the first time. It was an unplanned pregnancy and flipped my life upside down. I was caught off guard. I had always thought I would handle an unplanned pregnancy so much differently. The truth is; I explored all options. Even that dreaded A word. Thinking back it makes me cringe, but it was a process and one I am glad I had the chance to walk. I can't specifically state what I would do, unless I've been put in the position and without a doubt I was put in the situation and had the "wand waved" at me that abortion could be an appealing option based on what was going on. I chose life. I'm happy with my choice!

I believe I got pregnant because of another one of my "promote life" experiences. I was working daycare with my mom and a family came to us that had a 17 month old adopted child. I was so pulled into their story of how tough the road to adoption was and I really felt the urge to help families that could not have children. I started doing some research and was lead to egg donation. This past July marked 8 years since I donated my eggs to a couple so they could go on to have a beautiful red headed little girl. A mere 3 months later I, myself was pregnant. I believe it was the hormones that made me more fertile.
Life was created.

Just this past December. I donated a kidney to my husband, so he himself could get his life back.

Decisions

You know the kind of decisions that are easy to make. I can make those pretty quickly. It's the decisions that literally change every part of your life that are harder to come by the answers. You can pray and pray and pray for the answers, and I truly believe sometimes God wants you to find the answers on your own. He will guide you through messages in your days, through things that happen during the process, through "signs" that come to you. All of those in place, sometimes the decision is still hard to make. Why? Because that decision may not be the socially acceptable decision. Think about it. Why do something you *know* is viewed wrong. Why sometimes does the *wrong* decision seem like the only decision. Deep down, your heart speaks to you. Your head and your heart work hard to be in line with one another and when that happens, a decision is easy to come by. When your head tells you one thing, and your heart keeps urging you otherwise. The decision is harder to come by. It's agony, it's draining, it's one of those things that no one can give you the answer to. You pray and ask for more signs and peace and serenity. And then the decision does come. The decision that could have come so easily if you had just pushed aside all of the reservations that come into play. You clear it all out, you simplify and just quiet your life, and listen. Listen for what brings your heart peace. Then your decision is made. Sometimes that's not enough. Sometimes the decision is questioned by others. It's questioned by you. You know it's what has to be done, but what if it's the wrong decision? I am at that point. My decision has been made (don't ask what it is, I'm not ready to share). The decision is made. It's right. It feels right. I finally have peace. It's right. I've been asked to think about it; to ponder it even more. Do I have anything left to give? My decision has been made. The second guess question was not greeted well by me, but now that I have even further pondered it than I ever thought I could ponder anything, it's made. That decision. I have to believe it's what God sees for me. I have to believe it, because no one can grant me peace like God can. I have that peace. I am holding on to the peace, and trusting the right decision has been made.