The last few days have been really rough on me emotionally. The registration fiasco really showed me the type of support I am getting (or shall I say LACK OF support) and it hurts deeply. My husband is a man who tries his best. He overdoes everything in his life. He works so hard, and I admire that. He wants things a certain way and who can blame him? However, when it comes to our marriage, something is grossly lacking, on both ends. I have spent countless hours wondering if this is something that is fixable or something that we need to bid farewell. I don't fully have my answers yet, but a few things became clear to me today. I am happy we have our counseling appointment tomorrow morning, I really have a lot to talk about this time, I just keep waiting for something or someone to tell me what to do, and this isn't that type of situation. No one but me and my husband can decide what we can do. I think that's what bothers me most, the fact that I want something so completely different from what my husband wants. This is what's unfortunate. Both of us walked in to this relationship with little expectations at best. I had no way of foreseeing the person I would become, and how bettering myself, would distance me from my husband. The man I vowed to spend my life with. I can say I didn't take my vows seriously at all. This is all in hindsight of course. I would never walk in to a marriage with a blindfold, but I anticipated something completely different than it's become, and what it's become has been there all along. I just didn't see it.
Simple changes from Al will be what makes us tick again. If he is capable of being a kind hearted spiritual man, my feelings for him will return. That much is clear, and I am glad that has become clear!! When you know something, you can work with it.