I feel unsteady sharing my words of "wisdom" because Al and I had to fight to get to stable ground in our marriage, it has not been easy and we still struggle, but the good news I have is that we worked together to do it. And God worked in US to make it happen. Those facts alone bring forth a wisdom that I can share and hopefully down the road I can elaborate more with what I learn.
God is the center of my heart. It wasn't always this way and to be quite honest, I walked into marriage with NO IDEA what types of trials we would face. I found myself many times thinking that I had gotten myself into the "wrong marriage". My first step was realizing that I was meant to be with my husband and I do truly believe that deep down. So I made a choice to commit to that and keep it in my heart always.
Advice #1:
Attitude is EVERYTHING!!
We have choices in each and every day. We can choose to look at the negative aspects of our spouse (let's face it, we are all human, ANYONE can find something negative in their spouse) or we can choose to look at the positive (let's face it again, EVERYONE has redeeming qualities, even when we are mad at them).
I choose to see the good in my husband; even when I have to struggle to come up with things at times!! :)
Advice #2
PRAY for your spouse and for your marriage!!
Pray about your spouse's attitude, choices, actions, all of it! And then pray that you as their spouse can receive it and deal with it with LOVE, KINDNESS and most of all PATIENCE!!
It's easy when things are good to get along, but the prayer you do when things are NOT good; that's when you will notice the difference. And I believe God will bless you when you reach out to him to help you with your marriage.
Advice #3
Admit to yourself right now that marriage is work. It's work to laugh and it's work to cry. There is work that is easy and work that is beyond your strength. But overall if you commit to finding the best in your marriage and appreciating what's good and working on what's bad with a level and honest head, you will find that conflict comes no matter what, it's how you deal with it that helps you to move forward.
There was a time in my marriage where I could not tell my husband I love him. I truly didn't have it in me, I was hurt and not having feelings for him the I way I felt I should. In hindsight that was a season in my emotions that needed to be a part of my life to teach me the things I have learned. This was perhaps the time where I prayed the hardest FOR my marriage. God is the only way to keep a marriage together. In the good times and the bad, God needs to be the center of it all.
I am a big advocate for reading to improve your life!! The book related to marriage I highly recommend
The power of prayer to change your marriage by Stormie Omartian. I have SO many pages "dog eared" in this book!!
I think your first piece of advice is soooo true! I think it's so easy to get caught up in complaining about your significant other when you're with other people who are doing the same - even if they haven't done anything to warrent that negativity. I think one has to make a conscious effort to avoid that trap and not to discuss negative things like that with others.
ReplyDeleteGreat insight!
ReplyDeleteI've read that too! Wonderful book. I think you and I have similar advice. Please stop by sometime: www.dailydoseofdelsignore.com
ReplyDeleteThe reason you can share information on a marriage is because of your trials! I had a horrible marriage for 23 years but now I have a great one. So I write all the time on what makes a good marriage because through God's grace, I figured it out!
ReplyDeletewww.lorialexander.blogspot.com
WONDERFUL post and great advice. especially prayer. so true and needed every day! xo
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI'm by no means anywhere near getting married -- but it's still good to hear from people who are in relationships and married what they learned. I can always gain from the experience and wisdom of others. Thank you for passing it on.
That's the number one thing I'm looking for in a husband, a man who desires to have a Christ centered relationship. God first. Each other second.
Thanks, again, for posting this.