He Guides Me: Two hands

Happy birthday my sweet little girl! You are 10 today !!

10 years ago on this day, I became a mother. I was a young mom at the ripe old age of 22. It feels like ages ago. There were many things that came naturally to me, being that my mom ran a home daycare from the time I was 2. Other things, like cutting those little teeny tiny baby toe nails that were not so natural the first few times. I didn't write out a birth story, perhaps I should have. However, there are many things that I will never forget.

I remember:
-Craving oranges through my pregnancy!!

-Walking around for weeks dilated to 5 cm's and 80% effaced, feeling like I was going to give birth on the side of the road. I was terrified!

-Camping out on my yoga ball constantly for that last few weeks of pregnancy, partially hoping to dilate more, but more because it was soooooo comfy!

-Wondering when I was going to go into labor and praying my water would break, so I would *know* was in labor (it never did!)

-At 38 weeks and 1 day getting a back ache that felt "off" so I took that as my cue to go to the hospital.

-I remember walking into L&D and having the nurses look at me like I was nuts, because I was smiling and had walked myself up, but I told them I thought I was in labor.

-I remember moving into a room, getting all gowned up and them checking me and I was 6.5 cms, so I got to stay!

-I remember being asked if I wanted an epidural. (I did) And the nurses telling me "You are going to want to get it now, because the doctor is going to come in and start some pitocin to get labor moving" I wasn't about to argue at the time! I was "scared" of the pain!

-I remember the anesthesiologist coming in and being taken aback by my smiley self. He said I was the happiest laboring woman he had ever seen :) :) :) It was just because at that point, I totally didn't need the epidural, but my fear of "what was to come" was keeping me from telling them I didn't think I needed one.

-I remember getting a catheter before my epidural kicked in and feeling MISERABLE within minutes. That was the worst part up to that point. I was not a happy girl!

-I remember they did internal monitoring and my little girl was moving around, so I felt the wire tickling my legs.

-I remember feeling my water trickle every time she moved and getting so grossed out. Ha! I would make a face every time I felt it and I had my mom and my hubby in the room with me, I think it was amusing to them!

-I remember being complete and having a little bit of pressure. So, it was showtime!

-I remember the movie "What Women Want" was on and I was watching it and giggling between pushes!

-I remember pushing for 40 minutes and then meeting you!!!!!!!! It was 1:08 am!

-I remember (embarrassing as it is) when you came out, saying "That was like popping a huge zit!" (Oh yes, I did, and I still cringe when I admit it, but it is kinda funny!)

-I remember the joy of your birth was short lived, because I started hemorrhaging shortly after you were born.

-I don't remember much from this point on, but as lethargic and out of it was I was feeling at the time, I could feel the somber mood in the room. My parents were there at the time, my hubby was with our newborn baby and from what I was told, it was very scary for everyone around.

-I remember that mashing on the abdomen and vomiting from the pain. It was awful awful awful!

-I remember being wheeled into the OR and vomiting before I was out.

-I remember waking up alone, with an oxygen tube in my nose, crying. I called my brother, who was at home waiting to hear news. Apparently they had taken me to mother baby when my whole family was waiting for me in Labor and delivery.

-I remember being taken to Labor and Delivery and being emotional and upset that I was so puffy. They pumped fluids into me and I was told I almost lost my uterus because the bleeding got so bad.

-I remember being given 2 pints of donor blood.

-I remember at 7:30 am FINALLY being able to hold my baby girl. She was perfect and she latched on right away like a little trooper!

-I remember gazing at her with such love and adoration!

-I remember mentioning that her skin tone looked a little blue.

-I remember the nurses whisking her away from me. :( She was immediately taken to NICU. I never really found out what was wrong, other than they thought it might be an infection.

-I remember feeling so alone, because she stayed in NICU while I was bed ridden in my room. But making the best of it with visitors :)

-I remember 9:30 that night, I insisted they take me to see her, even if it meant wheeling me there in my bed. Which is exactly what they did!!

-I remember them placing her on my belly and her sweet little body wiggling up all the way to my face, where she nuzzled into my cheek and starting sucking on me. That was our bonding moment. It was the moment that I knew I was all she would need and that we were going to be great buddies! (Which is so very true, 10 years later)

-I remember my first time out of bed, telling the nurse I felt ok, until I passed out while sitting on the toilet and when I woke up there was a bathroom FULL of nurses to help and me saying I was having a nice dream! The nurse that was helping me that day came back the next day and told me I about gave her a heart attack! Ha!

-I remember going home without my baby. But being lovingly greeted by our poodle, which was my "first baby" :)

-I remember feeling so weak from the blood loss and felt so sad that I couldn't have her with me, but I was determined for her to get my momma milk, so I brought home a rented pump and pumped away.

-I remember going to see her and feed her for the two days she was in the NICU and then finally getting to bring her home!!