Hard on the heart

I usually find great enjoyment in watching my kids grow up. Each age has been more fun than the last age. Until now. My heart is heavy, I feel like I am getting the kitchen sink of growing up at a fast rate thrown at me, by not one but TWO kids! Miles is days away from turning F-I-V-E. It's still little if you think about it, (atleast that's what I keep telling myself) but it's that "cusp" of growing into the "big kid" and I look at him and hear him telling me I am not a baby anymore, and I believe him, because he's not! He's starting Kindergarten this Fall, we get to go to his new school in a week to meet the teacher and see the classroom and fill out the paperwork. It's real, he's starting "real" school and he's my last born! Then there is Acilia. Good Lord, she's been in a school that goes preschool-8th grade, so I never gave much thought to when "middle school" starts. Until now, she is starting at a new school next year, and guess what, it's middle school! Grades 5-8! M-I-D-D-L-E- S-C-H-O-O-L! Seriously?? My heart is aflutter with all of the big changes going on with my kids and the anticipation is killing me! I am looking at them, trying to soak up each second that I can, and it's slipping through my fingers like sand! It's insane, I can't keep up and if it weren't for BOTH kids going through it at the same time at different levels, it probably wouldn't be so bad, but it is, it's both kids, both of my BABIES and at this point, we aren't sure if we are having anymore babies, so for me, this could be it, the end of the "little one" phase. I'm not ready, I'm not ready,  I'm not ready, I'm not ready,  I'm not ready, I'm not ready,  I'm not ready, I'm not ready,  I'm not ready, I'm not ready,  I'm not ready, I'm not ready!
Seriously, I'm not ready. And it's happening anyway!