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My niece turned 10 this past week. This is the niece that is 6 months older than Acilia. This is the niece that for many years was inseparable from Acilia. We have a great relationship with her because of all the extra time she has spend with us over the years. She is the projection of what we are in for with our own little Acilia and though they are only 6 months apart, there are quite a few noticeable differences that relate to age between the two of them. So, I've been watching my niece Ali as she is blossoming into a tween. It is subtle but the change is very real and she is just beautiful. She's growing up and as I watch her grow, I see little glimmers of what's to come with Acilia.

About the age of 5 Acilia and Ali
Attached like glue :)

About the age of 5
they did e v e r y t h i n g  together

I will admit, I get caught up in looking forward to the future. I've been this way my entire life and sometimes it's all that gets me through dark times. I suffer from Seasonal depression and with the dark winter months creeping in, November is a tough time for me.

About the age of 7,
getting their ears double pierced together

The age of 9, this past Fall at a wedding.
Growing so fast, but still buddies!

Ali's party was yesterday, overall, it was a lot of fun. We socialized and ate and the kids had fun, Ali was simply glowing as she enjoys getting some extra attention in honor of her birthday. She's double digits now! I can't wrap my head around it. That means my little Acilia will be double digits in a few short months. It goes by so fast. I hold on to that as I struggle through winter.

This winter especially. Our house is going up for sale in March. March, 4 short months away. 4 short months, that feel like a lifetime away! I've been waiting for this day for easily 5+ years! I've grinned and bared my way through these years of bad economy and tight finances during Al's dialysis and kidney transplant days. Almost 2 years ago, I sat my husband down and put a deadline on us. It was to be 2 years from that date, we would be selling this house and moving to a place more suitable for us and more importantly my husband's business. He needs more property so he can grow his business and I pinpointed the perfect area for us to move. It's actually where I grew up. It's an unincorporated area, with various sized homes on various sized lots, smaller lots are about 3/4 of an acre, larger lots of 5+ acres. Being that it's the same area I grew up, my parents still live in the same house and I am there frequently. Each and every time I am there, I ache to have my family living there. We are getting so close to making it a reality, yet it is still not close enough. I see homes go up for sale and would love to look at them, but I know deep down that there is a chance they will not be available to us when the time comes that our house has the "SOLD" sign.

As we were driving to Ali's party last night, I got excited considering how our new address will be much closer to my brother's family's house (my brother lives pretty close to my parent's, less than 2 miles away). I dream of the kids being able to ride bikes to each other's houses and us being able to walk to my parent's house. It's so exciting as I drive in, but then the drive home is always a little bittersweet. We are a 10-15 minute drive away right now and each minute is agonizing for me. My heart aches. It brings me back to my word for 2012 which happens to be Patience. I can't help but think that word is completely appropriate for this time in my life. There have been many many MANY times throughout this year that I have wanted to rush into the move. We have gone that route before, trying to look at houses before we sold our house, trying to sell the house at the bottom of the market, wanting to put the house up for rent just so we could move and get on with our lives. It's maddening! Here we are though, 4 months from putting our house up for sale and it's full steam ahead. I have the confidence in me to say nothing is holding me back. I have put my faith into this, jumping in feet first and I can't even comprehend the thought of it not happening. I won't allow it to not happen. That may be completely bull headed of me, but I feel like I have tested my patience and I just have to believe that it will happen for us. That we will be able to move and that my ache in my heart will be fulfilled with what I've allowed myself to dream for. I have to believe through this faith filled leap that it will happen.

Side note: I can't help but giggle at the fact that this post started with talk about my niece and her big 10th birthday, and it led to my deep desire. I must admit, most of my day is consumed by thoughts about moving. I have been  obsessed for quite some time now. If I talked about it as much as I thought about it, I would surely have some people thinking I am crazy!