Caught red handed

I did something yesterday, I haven't done it in a while, but man it felt good and bad at the same time.
After school, I took the kids to the mall. I bought some clothes for the kids, which is a must have, however, the way I went about paying was where I went wrong. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I did it anyway. Our budget started in January and now that we are 8 months in, I have seen where we need to add more money to get by. Al isn't quite at the point where he agrees to "adding more money" his mentality is "you need to spend LESS" Good point honey. It's a tough balance and having a "shopoholic" in me waiting to climb out at any moment, it's a struggle. Well, I went to the mall, spent a lot of money and I had no cash; therefore it wasn't a "planned ahead" shopping trip which is what Al's preference is, and furthermore, I spent more in that one shopping trip that we have budgeted in a WHOLE MONTH! I pulled out my debit card to pay for not one, but TWO big transactions. I came home with the kids, pleasant with the deals I got on the clothes that they needed (well, they didn't need *all* of them, but that's where my weakness comes in!)

I got home and organized the kids' closet. Found a place for our new finds. Put the bags away and the receipts away and took a sigh of relief that Al didn't come home before I was done.

Here is where I admit that back in the day, I would have left it at that. Al would not have been informed of my spending spree and my prayer was that he wouldn't find out when our statements come because I would have promptly put those away too. (Bad wife! Bad Wife!!)

I've learned how incredibly damaging that can be and how it just kills trust. So, awareness is the first step right?

I knew deep down I needed to come clean about my shopping yesterday. I just have been a little bit on egg shells with Al because he's been working really hard, coming home really tired and doesn't have a lot of time to deal with his wife and her mess ups. We weren't being very kind to one another last night while in bed. I am stressed because I have to get to bed way earlier trying to force my body to realize it's bedtime even though just a few days ago, I was staying up WAY later while enjoying summer. Al watches TV to "settle in" and we constantly disagree on what he watches and how he could keep the volume down a bit. Ongoing dilemma!! I got cranky with him, and in the midst of it, he had the nerve to ask me if I had gone shopping. WHAT?!?! I thought to myself "How did he know" and in a tongue in cheek type of moment, I grunted out "no". God slapped my hand when I said "no" he and I both know that was a flat out lie. That lie haunted me through the whole night, I slept horribly. I didn't even mean to say "no" but I really was exhausted from bantering back and forth with my husband and I just didn't have it in me to have a conversation about how I had screwed up. I promised God that I would make it right and kept tossing and turning while trying to sleep.

The sun is up on this new day and I started it alone. Al was not in bed, he had already left for work. I got Acilia off to school, Miles and I are home doing some things around the house. Al calls me. He had called to apologize for the way he was acting last night "I forgive you and the good news is, you have many more times to keep trying not to do that, I will forgive you then too"

Then I said it "I lied to you last night" it sends shivers just typing it. Lying is a big bad thing and if I hadn't opened with those hard to get out words, when would I have told him? It had to be done, I promised God I would tell him.
I explained that I did infact go shopping, and that I did infact use the debit card when we have agreed to use only the money that is budgeted for shopping and nothing else. He was very kind to me while I explained my crime. I appreciated that. Probably more than he knows.

Marriage is such a balance. It builds on small acts throughout each day, some are bigger than others, but you can not move on until those things are solved. Period.

With the end; comes a beginning

I posted about the end of summer; which rounds out to today sharing how Acilia's first of school went.
It was a half day. The school does that to "ease" the kids back in to class. One of the joys of a Lutheran school is that the first day of school starts with chapel. All of the students under the church roof, lot's of parents and a joyous service with singing, sermon and the "declaration" of a new year! St. John's school opened it's 123rd year. WOW! Amazing. I was saddened to find out that Acilia's teacher from last year will be retiring at the end of the year. I feel so blessed that Acilia had her and she deserves her retirement, but boy will we miss her!!

To back up a bit, I have to add how adorable Acilia looked in her light pink polo and khaki skirt with pink knee high socks and black mary jane shoes. Adorable, really, until Miles spilled my coffee allll over Acilia's shirt. She was royally peeved, I could see it on her face, and she was embarressed too. Rightfully so. She shook it off within a minute or two and held her head high as she walked into the classroom. My sweet girl.

After chapel, Miles and I went to visit my friend Hilary and her *three* kids. She has two boys close to Miles age, and she just had a sweet little strawberry blonde teeny tiny baby girl a few weeks ago! Miles and I were so excited to meet her and I thought it would be the perfect thing to do while Acilia was in school for a few hours.

Time quickly came to pick Acilia up from school. She came out with a smile on her face (and holding the feathers she had put in her hair in MAY! Guess the first day of school is a good day for them to fall out! Ha)
In the car we had our "end of the day talk" I asked all the questions I could until my heart was content. Cya soaked it up! I told her "I'm going to stop asking questions now, so you don't get sick of talking about it" she said "Keep asking, ask anything you want" :)

Overall, she rated her day an 8. It would have been a 10, had it not been for the coffee fiasco! Her highlights were getting to go outside, and having snacktime :)

Summers End

I associate the school year, with the beginning and end of summer. I know technically the first day of Fall isn't until next month. Today is the last day as far as I am concerned. Tomorrow, Acilia starts 3rd grade. It's been on my mind all week. The looming "end of summer". I look forward to summer all year and to think it's over in a blink, just irritates me! I feel blessed that Acilia's school started later than most of the schools in the area, everyone else is already "in the mode" after a week of being back in the swing of things. But our "mode" starts tomorrow. The tough reality is my alarm is set for 6 in the morning. I haven't had my alarm set that early for 3 months! I've enjoyed the leisure of getting up whenever I want and enjoying the days with my kids. Today I awoke and wanted to have some fun with the kids. I know it's not our last chance ever to have fun, but when shool starts so does the race against time it seems. The hustle and bustle of responsibility. Today was our last ditch effort to live it up summer style! We first visited my parents house for lunch. Then it was off to Jaynesway Farm for pony rides. They have a nice little path that goes over a bridge, and is shaded by the trees. Acilia loved when Miles was on the pony, she got to lead. She's been practicing leading a horse during horse lessons, so it was nice to put the practice to use. Then Acilia's turn came to ride. It seems a little silly to have an 8 year old enjoying a pony ride, but she still does. Thoroughly! :) And she's more than 20 pounds under the weight limit, so I think she will take advantage as long as she can. After pony rides, we walked around the barns and saw many many many horses in the stalls. The kids love saying hello to all the horses. We finished up at the barn and then headed to a nature park nearby. Miles and I went last year once in the summer, Acilia had never been. It's set up really neat with trails in the woods and a bridge that goes over a ravine. There is a nature center too that is set up so kids can explore bugs, nature foot prints, snakes, etc. Fun times!! My favorite part is the "honey bee box" it's set up with a small entry from the outside so bees can come in and out as they please. The box is clear and it shows how the bees make the honey. We got home a little bit ago, dinner was eaten now the kids are playing outside for a short while before it's bathtime and bedtime! Back to work tomorrow! (UGH!)

Respect your husband challenge Day 24

Day Twenty-four:
"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the
training and admonition of the Lord." Eph. 6:4
Children can be quite a challenge to the marriage relationship. A wise wife will support
her husband's leadership in the home as much as possible, and will praise him for his
fathering skills. Negativity makes a man feel like a failure, and may make him to want to
give up.
Does your husband discipline your children wisely? Does he show them love and
encourage them? Does he take an interest in their activities and dreams? Does he
spend time with them? Does he take part in developing their character? Praise him for
these important life skills.
If you don't have children - is your husband positive and encouraging around other
people's children? Let him know that you have noticed.
If your husband does not experience positive relationships with children, you will need
to figure out why. Perhaps he had negative experiences as a child with his own parents,
and needs to learn how to respond. Perhaps you can lovingly and patiently show him
how to parent - while still maintaining his authority in the home.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss 

Published by Revive Our Hearts, © 2005. Permission granted to photocopy in the exact form, including copyright. All other uses 

require written permission. 

Revive Our Hearts   *   P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI  49120   *   www.ReviveOurHearts.com

Respect your husband challenge Day 23

Day Twenty-three:
"Let your speech always be with grace..." Col. 4:6a
You're moving toward the home stretch of your 30-day challenge! Just a reminder of
what you've committed:
"You can't say anything negative about your husband... to your husband...or to anyone
else, about your husband. "Each day, say something that you admire or appreciate
about your husband...to your husband...and to someone else, about your husband!
"In all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works..." Titus 2:7a
Does the "30-Day Encouragement Challenge" seem like hard work? Or is it becoming a
pleasant exercise in genuine Christ-likeness in your home? You are only scratching the
surface of ways to encourage your mate.
Is your husband organized? Is he diligent? Is he persistent? These are all related to a
pattern of personal disciplines that are worthy of your praise. Affirm him for one or more
of these traits that you see in him.
Some men have not developed these qualities because they are naturally more
spontaneous. You can praise his spontaneity! Perhaps God has called you alongside to
help him with disciplines he has not yet developed - but this does not include nagging.
You can keep him organized.
Whatever the need, you can be your husband's cheerleader, encouraging him when he
wants to give up.

Respect your husband challenge Day 22

Day Twenty-two:
"Let your speech always be with grace..." Col. 4:6a
Focus today on how you represent your husband in your home, your church, and your
community. In this challenge to encourage, ask: "If all my family and friends knew about
my husband came from a filter of what I've said about him, what would they think of my
husband?" Do you need to change the filter?
Do you talk positively about your husband to others... or do you complain and criticize?
Your speech should reflect 1 Cor. 13 love. Your words should be kind, and should never
"rejoice in iniquity" (v. 6). Refrain from listing your husband's faults to others. Satan likes
to trick us in this area - be wary of sharing barbed "prayer requests."
Remember, "Love will cover a multitude of sins" (1 Pet. 4:8b). Present your husband
before others today in a strong, positive manner. Slip in a "good word" for your spouse.
Resist the urge to correct or belittle him in front of others. Some of what you say may
come back to him - and you want your words to be sweet, building him up and never
tearing him down.
Don't forget: you are always criticizing - or encouraging - before an audience. God hears
your conversations when you are alone with your husband in your own home. May your
speech be always seasoned with grace.

While you are considering how your speech can reflect the grace of the Lord in your
husband's life, don't forget that your words can also encourage others. When you share
what God is doing in your life through this "30-Day Encouragement Challenge", others
will be blessed. Perhaps other wives will be moved to take up this challenge.

Respect your husband challenge Day 21

Day Twenty-one:
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be
added to you." Matt. 6:33
If we are living in light of eternity, everything we think, do or say is seen from an eternal
perspective. We will someday give an account for our failure to speak words of love and
encouragement. Determine today that your words will be sweet and helpful.
Does your husband have an eternal perspective that allows him to reject materialism
and temporal values? Express your gratefulness for his value system, and praise him
for putting eternal things before riches and other things of this world.
If this is a problem area for him, consider how you might alter your own value system
and live for eternity in front of him, encouraging him to do the same. Only two things will
go into eternity...the Word of God and people. Be sure that you are focusing on the right
things.