A ball of emotions!!!!

Our perserverence, patience, hopefulness and optimism, has been recognized by the Almighty Man Above. It is with great honor that I am writing to acknowledge that I have tested as a positive match for Al!! He's listening to us Ladies and Gentlemen!! If ever you think your prayers are not being heard, that is simply not true!! He hears our prayers, he hears are fears, our hopes and dreams! Our thoughtless schemes. He hears it all, and for that we are blessed and graciously accept that he knows what's best! Thank you for the support, thank you for the prayers, thank you for your thoughts and cheers and for experiencing this awesome journey with us!! There is FINALLY some light at the end of the tunnel!!!

Yes, that's right! I am a match for Al! I am now literally referring to us as a "match made in Heaven" :) I am humbled by the opportunity in which God has put into my life. I am moved to tears by the sheer thought that my journey to Jesus has taken this amazing turn. I am ready for it, I am excited for it! I can't believe it's here!! I feel our life together is officially validated, and beyond that, I just have no words to describe how I feel. I will leave you with the lyrics to a song named "Born Again" by Third Day. It sums up my emotions :)

Today I found myself
After searching all these years
And the man that I saw, he wasn't at all who I thought he'd be

I was lost when You found me here
And I was broken beyond repair
Then You came along and You sang Your song over me

It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
In my life

Make a promise to me now
Reassure my heart somehow
That the love that I feel is so much more real than anything

I've a feeling in my soul
And I pray that I'm not wrong
That the life I have now, it is only the beginning

It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
For the very first time

I wasn't looking for something that was more
Than what I had yesterday
Then you came to me and you gave to me
Life and a love that I've never known
That I've nver felt before

It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
In my life

A million and one excuses

I could sit here and list justified excuses as to why I haven't posted about the Love Dare that I am doing. The only reason I have that's valid though is that I haven't been doing it. I made it to day 12 and then I had a dare, that is seemingly impossible to complete. The dare was to "give in" to an area of disagreement. I still haven't completed this dare. Not for lack of trying. I have searched for disagreements within our days. To be honest things have changed a bit and we aren't disagreeing as much. (PRAISE THE LORD ON THAT ONE!!) However, there are still one or two disagreements in which I can't "give in". This is when I am thankful that we have the blessing of having a couple's counselar in our life. We are being granted the tools we need as a couple to work out our disagreements. No where in that does it mean "give in" and that's ok with me. The Love Dare is 40 days and I am comfortable at day 12 to say, this dare is not complete, however it's not going to hold me back anymore from continuing on this journey.

Day 13
Love fights fair
"If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand" Mark 3:25
TODAY'S DARE:
TALK WITH YOUR SPOUSE ABOUT ESTABLISHING HEALTHY RULES OF ENGAGEMENT. IF YOUR MATE IS NOT READY FOR THIS, THEN WRITE OUT YOUR OWN PERSONAL RULES TO "FIGHT" BY. RESOLVE TO ABIDE BY THEM WHEN THE NEXT DISAGREEMENT OCCURS.

Initial thoughts:
OOOOOOH! I like this dare!! There were a few helpful examples of things to put on "the list" and I will definitely be using them!!

We hope we hope we hope!

This is a note I sent out to a Facebook Group I started. Below you will find a small update and a few words pertaining to our current status with a potential kidney transplant!

Hello to all of you!
I first would like to take a minute to introduce myself to those that may not know me, I am Karrie, Al's wife. My husband has been on dialysis for 2.5 years waiting ever so patiently for a new kidney. It's been a long road, but we are hopeful that we are at a major turning point!!
I figured I would type an update.
I started seriously considering being tested to become a donor for Al. We had waited, and hoped and waited some more and nothing was happening. I knew my blood type was a match and I felt the urge to do something about it, but it takes a lot as a mom to step forward and opt to go through surgery at the same time as my husband. We have two children and my biggest concern was how the heck will that work?!?! Well, I started asking around and it turns out, it WILL work, we have our ducks in a row, the kids will be cared for, we will be recovering comfortably, and we have lot's of help being offered, IF infact we get to be graced with the sheer blessing of being a match! My testing was completed on Monday, two days ago. Medically speaking, I am ok to donate. I had blood work done on Monday it will be "mixed" with Al's to see how it reacts. If there is little reaction we are GOLDEN!! If there is a little more than "little" reaction still ok, but if there is a big reaction all will go back (yet again) to square one! Our hands are yet again folded as our patience is tested. We will find out in about a week if I have the kidney that my husband so desperately needs! It's quite the whirlwind of emotions here and I wanted to take the time to thank you for being a part of this experience with us.
I will update when we know something, but in the meantime please be in prayer that if this is what God wills for us, that it will be a smooth and comfortable process!
Thank you all!

This is the day that the LORD has made!

I will rejoice and be glad in it!! :)

Today July 13th 2009 is the day I completed my donor testing to see if my kidney will work in Al's body. What a day! I was scheduled to be there at 1 and down for a CT scan at 3:15, well, let's just say I didn't get downstairs to the CT scan until 5PM! Grr!! Then something that was supposed to be quick didn't end until almost 7! I left with a feeling of giddyness, I believe it was finally feeling the fresh air on my face after hours of being couped up in the hospital!! I also believe I had a complete and total relief that my job with the donor testing is complete and now...we wait :)
We should know tomorrow if it's a go or not, I have a feeling deep down that it's a go, but hearing it will confirm it and send me over the moon with joy!! I can't wait for tomorrow to come :)

As for the Love Dare, I took today off, because yesterday's dare is not complete. Al and I argue over plenty of things, but nothing has come up the last two days for me to experiment with "giving in" so I am giving it a little bit of time. If no arguements come up, I will be sure not to complain and I will move on with my dares :)

The Love Dare

I write this post fully admitting the fact that I am grasping at straws. I will further be honest and admit that I am working at this alone. Or so it feels. Tomorrow marks the beginning of a 40 day journey. "The Love Dare" journey. If you have seen Fireproof, you know what I am talking about, if you have not, I urge you to do a little bit of research and self examination. In the meantime, I am taking that plunge and doing "the dare" and as divine intervention would have it, our sermon at church yesterday actually was all about dares. The dare of leaping in faith. Take the leap? I have had my eyes opened to what needs to be done. This is my chance to make my decision. 40 days feels like a long time, but in making a decision as to whether to stick with my marriage or walk away, it feels like it's the blink of an eye type of 40 days. I truly don't know what the outcome will be, but as "He guides me" I am sure to know my choice will be clear when it's all said and done.

It's official, we are done with this marriage...

Now, please, take a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor, and read on. The glory that Jesus has given to each and every one of us, is the fact that we can stop what we are doing, regroup and start over. Completely fresh. Forgiven. That is what I choose to do with my "ex marriage". I am proud to say I am not done with Al, my husband, I am just done with the marriage we have built rather bumpy. We are starting over, as a couple whom is dating. My "boyfriend" and I are reintroducing ourselves to one another as the new person we have both become and redoing it all. Not quite sure how long it will take to be ready to marry him again however, this is all new to me. It's not everyday that one chooses to divorce their marriage that is not working, but not divorce the partner. I think it's a rather ingenius way to survive the rough spots! It's an interesting direction, it's a God sent direction, it's the right direction. I feel it in my bones!

Armed and "dangerous"?

Well, counseling today was brutal. I think I cried through most of it, even felt the urge to leave the room, I swear the air in the room was not getting to me, I felt like I was suffocating. Or maybe it was truth coming to the surface, something Al and I have not allowed for quite some time. We have been running to keep up with life, we have been busy, we have been everything BUT a couple that works TOGETHER. Today marks a fresh start. I have been praying for the answers that God wants me to know, and yesterday, "Clean slate" kept coming to mind...it was clarified today when in essense the same idea came about in conversation. I am willing to try it. What do we have to lose, that isn't already lost? I visited the library, searching for a book that helps couples prepare for MARRIAGE, not the wedding. You know the basics of finances, and child rearing, and life goals, etc. The librarian actually had a hard time locating such a book. You see, when you say wedding, you think the wedding day. It's often mentioned that you need to prepare for the Marriage, not the wedding, because the wedding is just one day. I, infact went in to my wedding day, thinking I was prepared for the marriage, and truly I had no clue! I find the same to be true with school. You can't possibly know what you want to do for your career fresh out of high school, I still stand by my theory that the college age should be raised to atleast 25. Your first few years out of high school are about freedom. Your early 20's are about finding yourself, only when you find yourself, can you truly know where your life is going, and what you want your future to hold. Learning is not about education, it is about walking along life and picking up what's meaningful and powerful enough to stick itself to you, to make that impact.
I came home from the library with a few books, I plan to put my computer away for tonight, and hope that Al turns that TV off, the two "barriers" we often claim keeps us from chatting freely with one another. Will you do the same?