I'm in!

I went today, and registered for the CNA course at COD. It starts September 15th, and I chose the day classes vs. the night classes that I had planned on trying to claim. This whole ordeal with having to find a sitter when I expected that hubby would be around, proved to me if I want to be successful in this class, I need to find others to count on! Day classes will give me the opportunity to drop Acilia in school when it starts and drop Miles off at my mom's to play with his cousins, while I study my booty off and hope and pray that I make it through to becoming a CERTIFIED nurses assistant! :) Onward and upward!

Really??

As hard as I try to be a wife that I can be proud of, I have a husband that sees me as a wife that tries, or maybe doesn't try at all, it depends on his mood I guess!

He tries too, he tries to be sweet and kind and all the things I hope to have in a husband, but then something sets him off and he loses it.

Perfect example:
Al went today to the grocery store. Came back with flowers for me, how sweet!! Then we started talking about my registration for CNA course (explain that whole story later) and he ended up losing his temper on me and hitting me on the head with the flowers! That behavior leaves me shaking my head wondering what the heck is going on in my life??

So, to explain registration. This is something that I have been pursuing for MONTHS! I wrote the registration date on the calendar back in April, I have been doing all the tests, etc. to be able to register, and now, all my work is done, and registration is bright and early Monday morning. Al has been notified of this entire process and also that registration day, I will be leaving at 6:30 am to get myself a spot in line to register at 8 am when the doors open and he was responsible for being home with the kids until I get back at 9:30 - 10 am. Perfect plan right? Well, he informs me today that he has a job scheduled in Darien at 9 am and he must be there. WHAT???? To me it shows me he cares nothing about my time and energy put forth to pursue this. He wants me to find a sitter. He was throwing a tantrum over the fact that HE has to work etc. How could he do this to me?

This is my relationship with Al. He works so hard, he forgets that he's human and not a robot, and in the process he expects the same of those around him. I recently called him a boa constrictor. He wraps his body around his prey and squeezes the life out of them. Happy marriage to me!

Would you, could you?

This post is directly from a mommy friend of mine, her son Logan is only 15 months old (Same age as my little Miles guy, they were actually born just days apart) and is in need of a new kidney! This sweet precious little boy has been on dialysis his whole life. As you know, I can relate in a sense because my husband who is 30 is also on dialysis. There is no age limit to organ donation, consider what YOU can do!

http://jessmomto3.blogspot.com/2009/06/spreading-love-in-more-ways-than-one.html

I have decided and I'm sure that the wording of this post will change many times over the course of this new project of mine. But, I am just going to dig in as I feel that is what God is telling me to do. In a dream last night I came up with a plan to share about organ donation. In my dream I had it fully planned out how I was going to write this post and which pictures I was going to post and the good that I was going to do. But, somehow in the waking up and doing the mom duties, it got lost in my brain and the coffee still has yet to drag my thoughts back to me.

The basics--there are plenty of organs to go around. The problem, not enough people are donating those organs when they die and the organs are being buried. The why--they didn't obtain and sign a donor's registration card and so when they died their family didn't know what they wanted and since they had just lost a family member, it was too hard of a decision to make and therefore they didn't make it and what could have been a lifesaving organ for someone was instead buried in the ground. As of today there are 102,019 people waiting for a lifesaving transplant of some organ. My son is 1 out of those 102,019 people. Statistically 30-50% of these people will die before they ever get a transplant. For a parent waiting on one of those, those are some pretty scary odds. Now, my son is lucky at the moment (in a sense) because he is only 15 months old. What an odd sentence as how could it be lucky to need a transplant?

He is lucky because he is only 15 months old. Due to his age, he is top priority and will therefore only wait around 6 months for a kidney. When he does this again in 10-15 years, his wait will be 3-5 YEARS. Dialysis in and of itself is risky business. There is the constant threat of infection. Then there is the wonky labs that could possibly harm him. And not even in the top 5 things that I worry about but still in the back of my head is that this will mean that for the majority of his preteen to teen years he will feel sick. That's a long time.

So, I have decided that I need to be the change. I need to advocate for him in the best way I know possible.

I have decided to make this into a contest. Right now I have two gift cards and I would like to give them to people. So, the contest goes like this. You will get one entry for every email, facebook post, blog entry, etc that you send out in which you tell someone that this is the face of organ donation. Organ donation is not just elderly people who have lived out their lives. Organ donation affects little bitty babies and it affects men with families in their 30s and it affects elderly grandparents as well. My gift cards are not much yet but I'm hoping through donations and God touching people's hearts to make this into something much bigger than just me and my blog. My goal is to inform 1000 people about organ donation and to help them to realize that this affects everyone.

So, get to blogging and emailing and facebook posting. : ) Right now the giftcards are a $10 to Starbucks and a $10 to Best Buy.

I have to go out in a bit so I'm sure this will be reworded when I get home but I felt the need to post this before I my brain totally forgot about the idea. Please let me know if you have any ideas.

He has me pegged!

Al and I began seeing a counselar once a week a few weeks ago, I went by myself today because Al had to work. I had the chance to speak with him myself and it worked pretty well. I can't believe how "transparent" I am! There were a lot of good points brought up, they got me thinking! (As if I don't think enough already!?!?) One thing that was a little bit unsettling was that apparently there is deepness behind my smile. I have a face that shows happy and joy and .... and.... but right behind that, there is a lot more. I have known this all my life, I have always been "deeper" without sharing too much. Mostly because I have sooooooooooo many thoughts that go through my mind that I am working through at any given time, to let that all out would send people running! Ha ha! I also learned that I should allow Al to be a part of my thinking process. I tend to come to conclusions on my own and then drop them like a bomb into Al's lap when my decision has already been made. I am going to strive to let Al in on some of the "pre thoughts" from now on. I have a feeling that may be easier said than done, but if it's done right, I think it will be rather effective!

On an unrelated note, Al and I are going to Vegas in August! Anyone that knows my history with anxiety knows how huge this is!! I am so excited that it's booked!! We will be going August 19-21 (Our 5 year anniversary is August 20th) flying in, I rented a convertible Mustang and we will stay at The Venetian! Can't wait can't wait!!

I want this chair!

Update: I bought the chair, it is currently on it's way via UPS!! :)

If you read The Butterfly you would know why this chair seems so cool to me! I can picture it in my garden next to my new fountain, and I can picture sitting in it, remembering grandpa, watching my children play or just looking at it as a beautiful addition to my backyard! Off to save my pennies!

Let the testing begin.....

I have been drawn to try to see how far I can get in testing to be a donor for Al. It's a tough decision, not because of *me* but because I am a mom of two children, and with Al HAVING to have surgery, it should be up to me to be the one to take care of everything while he is recovering. If *I* have surgery at the same time, well, that puts things in a more complicated place. However, I have had a soft whisper in my ear, and it's gaining decibels, and that tells me that God wants me to jump in, see if I am a match (I know deep down that I am) and he will take care of the rest. So, yes Almighty Father in Heaven, I am listening. I have passed the first step (health questionnaire, basic stuff) I am moving on to step two which is a chest X-ray, EKG, and blood work. I got my paperwork today, now it's time to get scheduling! Lord be with me, I am trusting you.

Baby names....

NO, I am not pregnant, YET....however, for whatever reason I am thinking about baby names, and I wrote a few down on a piece of paper which has been sitting in my wallet. I have decided to clean my wallet and in turn I am documenting the names I like here :)

So, here it goes...
Girls:
Ellia (Ellie-uh)
Avaia (Uh-vay-uh) is number one at the moment. I like it with either Selene or Camille as the middle name. Undecided at the current minute, and I do have some time to think about it ;)
I like Eden Amalia (Uh-molly-uh) too.
Melaina (Mel-ai-na) is another one I love as well as Malena (Muh-leena)
Lucia (nickname Lucy)
Leana (Lee-on-uh)
Simone
Serene
Nina

As for boys, I only have a few
I LOVE Leo, have since as long as I can remember, I even named my mechanical baby Leo Salvatore when I was in child developement :)
Salvatore is taken by Miles though, so there would have to be a different middle name, throwing around Vincent or Charles, haven't given it too much thought though.
I also like Heston, although it's not the best with Viscogliosi.
Another goodie Nigel
Elias
Roman
Atticus
Maloy
Matteo


New additions to add:
Psalm (This jumps out at me, the words it speaks in bible verses I have read seem to have a positive uplifting effect, something very appropriate for a child of mine!)
I also like Byron!
Carma for a girl
Jasper

So, that's what I had written down...off to do something better with my time ;) Hee hee!